Posts Tagged ‘Pregnancy’

Egg Insomnia and Chicks Having Chicks

Dear Chickens,

Do you sleep peacefully through the night or toss and turn in your chicken beds? Do you stay awake fretting about the future of your disappearing eggs?  Do you ever experience egg insomnia? Mommy is suffering from pregnancy insomnia, a fabulously Internet-based self-diagnose.  Apparently it effects 78% of all pregnant women and Mommy is wondering why she wasn’t part of the other group in blissful repose.

Or perhaps there is something more on Mommy’s mind tonight that makes sleep illusive.  Something that causes Mommy to fret about the future of my children, the world’s children.  It made me think about your first eggs, my darling chickens.  Do you remember that time?  Did it feel natural and right and in harmony with nature?  Or were you frightened by the changes happening to your body? But you were chickens and I think ready for the responsibility of creating all those delicious eggs we so hungrily accepted without much thought.  And so what if there was an errant egg in the garden instead of the nesting box?  They were just eggs and you could leave them for Mommy to find.  Like a game of hide and seek.  Or a chicken-instigated Easter egg hunt.

Today I learned through the grapevine that a neighbor, a young teen, recently gave birth.  Yes, darling chickens, people mommies give birth to live chicks, not eggs.  I know, no egg shells, that must be so strange to you.  However, I’m not tossing and turning over the lack of calcium carbonate.  This neighbor is only a chick herself.  How will she support herself and this new little person so helplessly dependent on her?  How will she finish school with a baby in tow?  What are the odds of the daddy rooster staying with his little flock?  What about their future?

There is no going back here.  Our neighbor chick is prematurely a mommy hen and in our culture and time, it is almost certainly dooming her and baby to poverty.  What is poverty, you ask?  Chickens, this means that she will have to work very hard and yet still find it difficult to find a nice coop and eat organic feed and roam large pastures with tasty grass and bugs.

So this brings us back to sitting up sleeplessly tonight.  Wondering if anything could have been said or done.   Fretting about the future when in a mere decade our little family will have matured to the point where this is a biological possibility.

Mommy, I hear you say, perhaps you should just concentrate on today’s sunshine and delicious weeds and that particularly juicy grub in the compost pile.  Chickens, I reply, you’re right:  I should focus on the blessings of today.  But I am responsible for our flock and I also need to think about tomorrow.



Caffeine-Free Teeccino for Two

I’ve tried eliminating coffee from my diet before. It worked, but somehow coffee’s call always boomeranged its way back into my life. It’s not really the caffeine that I miss, especially not the headaches that come by accidentally missing one’s daily dose, but just the cup of hot deliciousness. I’ve tried herbal teas, but just don’t love ’em. Pregnant times call for desperate measures and the wonderful world of the Internet showed the way to Teeccino, an herbal caffeine-free coffee substitute.

The Good:

  • No caffeine
  • Brews like coffee
  • Tastes good with milk and soymilk
  • Approved for pregnancy
  • Sold at the local health food store
  • Responsibly produced
  • Gluten-free
  • It’s better than no coffee

The Bad:

  • It’s not coffee
  • It’s not coffee
  • It’s still not coffee
  • It’s not locally produced
  • Not available at the local grocery store
  • Since it’s made from things like ramon nuts and carob and barley, wouldn’t it bad for your teeth to sip the stuff all day? I’m going to limit to my morning dose.

The Confusing:

  • It helps my acidity (What’s acidity and why does my body need help with it? Haven’t the Teeccino inventors ever pickled or canned anything? Don’t they know that most fruits and veg are naturally acidic? I guess I have to research that one more.)
  • Dr. Oz endorses it on tv (Um.  Ok.  Maybe I should watch more tv?)

Overall, it’s good stuff. I like the original flavor best, but I’ve also tried some of their flavored varieties with positive results. Here’s how to brew the perfect cup o’ ‘cino:

Add 1-2 Tbsp Teeccino to a 6-cup French press. Remember that coffee is measured in 4 oz. servings in those presses.


Add boiling water to fill.


Wait three minutes, press, pour, and drink.


I like my Teeccino with a splash of unsweetened soymilk. What are the ingredients in unsweetened soymilk? Soybeans and water. That’s. It. Regular soymilk has way too much sugar added. Even if it’s organic sugar, it’s still sugar.



The Birds and the Bees and the Chickens

Dear Chickens,

Girls, I should say Ladies, it’s high time we had The Talk.  Mommy doesn’t know where the time has gone and it seems like yesterday when you were using your little chirping voices to tell me how much you liked your bugs.  Nevertheless, time has passed and I’ve neglected this part of your education, thinking I could keep you safe from the world with farmer-enforced celibacy, safe inside your chicken nunnery.  You’ve matured, as evidenced by the tasty eggs you leave our family each morning.  It’s important to know the potential consequences of being a grown up chicken.  Because, you see, when boy chickens and girl chickens get together they can have baby chickens.  These are the wonders of unprotected chicken sex.

Mommies and daddies can make babies, too.  Mommy took a special test this morning and it turns out she is going to have a baby.  You are going to have another human brother or sister!  Silkie, thank you for offering to go broody (again) to help me out, but I assure you there is no need to pull out any more feathers for the nest.

I hope, my dear girls, that one day you find a special rooster so you, too, can have little chicks.  I would dearly love to have grandchicks, but it is best to wait until you are ready.  Having babies is lovely, but can be challenging.  I heard that chickens don’t have morning sickness.  Mommy would love to know your secret.



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